freshmen connect

I do not want to do things.

I know that sounds weird, and to those who know me, it seems like an outright lie, because I am always doing things of every sort. Rehearsing with my band, lifting weights, going to concerts, writing reviews, participating in Bible studies, and, occasionally, showing up to class. Though it’s not always clear immediately, these things all enrich my daily life or build my character—some of them lay the foundation for my eternal destiny.

I know all of this as a sane, rational person, and thus, I am often enamored with the idea of doing things. Still, as my faraway, abstract commitments morph into a rapidly approaching reality, I constantly find myself faced with the inescapable fact that I do not, in practice, want to do these things.

Last weekend, I did not want to go to Freshmen Connect.

Of course, that didn’t stop me from volunteering as a shepherd the moment I was asked. As a senior, this was my fourth consecutive Freshmen Connect. I can trace each one back to a different place in my emotional and spiritual journey. I vividly recall my rich bonding experiences with longtime friends and incoming freshmen, some of whom were embarking on their first Christian retreat. It brought me immense joy to take care of those freshmen in whatever limited capacity I could. I loved watching them grow into some of my dearest friends, gospel partners and roommates.

And yet, as I trudged up the hill to my apartment on Friday afternoon, drenched in sweat after an arduous day on campus, I could not possibly bring myself to feel excited about the 28 hours that lay ahead of me. As I reached the final stretch of my walk home, I uttered a simple, desperate prayer.

“Lord, make me want this weekend,” I said softly. “Align my will with Your will.”

Not exactly prayer warrior status, I know. But the Lord hears our pleas and meets us where we are. If I was going to turn this weekend into a positive experience, I couldn’t force myself to get excited over team-building exercises and sports. I needed the Lord to touch me at my core—to make me enjoy Him, and let the rest follow suit.

I needed the Lord to touch me at my core—to make me enjoy Him, and let the rest follow suit.

In fact, none of our Christian life should revolve around forcing ourselves to do things for God. The author of Psalm 116 writes, “What shall I return to Jehovah for all His benefits toward me? I will take up the cup of salvation and call upon the name of Jehovah.” The Lord doesn’t want a one-to-one transaction ratio, where we “pay him back” for all the riches He’s given us. On the contrary, God delights in our delight.

In Acts 22, Paul (formerly Saul of Tarsus) recounts the story of his salvation, when a great light flashes out of heaven and blinds him. When he finally regains his sight and is saved, Ananias urges him, “Why do you delay? Rise up and be baptized and wash away your sins, calling on His name.” The way to enjoy and declare our love for the Lord is to audibly and publicly call on His name!

Consider our daily interactions with our peers. We only need to talk to somebody for a few minutes to figure out their passion, be it politics, music, sports, et cetera. Why not make our passion for Jesus just as obvious?

Why not make our passion for Jesus just as obvious?

Here’s the thing about enjoying: it makes us grow into far more cooperative and pleasant people. We’ve all heard the classic Confucius quote: “Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life.” Sure, it’s cliché and outdated—but it’s true! Imagine being assigned a group project at work or in class. It’s kind of difficult to be productive when we loathe the work we’ve been given. The only way to properly function and work together is if everybody enjoys his or her task. Being a member of the Body of Christ is no different. Only by loving and enjoying the Lord can we function both individually and corporately, building the Body and allowing Christ to make His home in our hearts.

For me, this building started with a simple prayer. “Lord, make me want this weekend.” I might as well have just said, “Lord, make me enjoy You.” The outcome would’ve been the same. By getting out of my own self-absorbed way and surrendering my own willpower, I gave the Lord an opening to work in my heart. He not only helped me turn to Him, but He made me rely on Him—literally, minute by minute—for my strength and enjoyment.

As is always the case when we turn to the Lord, He got what He wanted.

To be clear, this doesn’t make me a better person in any way. Nothing about my enjoyment of Freshmen Connect had to do with my own strength or effort. It’s not a testament to my ironclad will or ability to spin every situation in an ultra-positive light. If anything, it’s the exact opposite—letting down my guard and going whichever direction the Lord lays before me.

Truth be told, I still don’t want to do things. But the Lord wants me to do them, and that’s enough.

By: Bryan Rolli

Bryan Rolli
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